It's less than two weeks into the new year, but I can already feel the winds changing. 2010 was not a great year for me, especially emotionally. It has left me tired and worn down. The last couple of weeks have also been emotionally draining, but have led me to new motivation, to a new hope. I had been struggling with some things and I couldn't seem to find my way out of the darkness. I knew what I should be doing... but I couldn't quite find the motivation to do those things.
Then something unexpected happened. A new friend of mine told me that he no longer believes in the LDS church- in fact, he no longer believes in God at all. He has decided that he is an atheist. As he told me that, sadness crept into my heart. Then, after some mental processing, something else- something I hadn't felt in quite a while- warmed me from the inside out. I know with all my heart that God exists- and the Spirit was reconfirming it to me right then, so strongly that it brought tears to my eyes. Throughout everything I've been through- the loneliness, the pain, the sadness- I have never been able to deny God. I have seen His influence in my life too many times to ever deny His existence. And it may seem silly, but all it took was to be reminded of that one simple, basic truth to jump-start my hope and faith.
At that moment, I wanted to do everything I possibly could to strengthen my faith and knowledge of the gospel. It was no longer, "I should go to church," or "I should read my scriptures," I really, really wanted to. Because I didn't want to lose the feeling that was burning inside me. Somehow, along the way, I had forgotten. I had never stopped believing... I always knew the church and its teachings were true... but I had forgotten how important it was to have them in my life on a daily basis. I know that it will still be hard to follow through, at least at first, but really, at this point, things can only get better. And maybe then, other things will start falling into place for me as well. We often look to the new year as a new beginning... and this year, I really need it to be.
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2 comments:
Amber, I kind of miss you. It is weird living in your apartment. But I do like that I can blog-stalk you. :)
Kari... I like that you like blog-stalking me... ;) haha yah so sometime we should have an Elms reunion party- w/ Amy, and Charlynn, and the boys and well, everyone who still lives there... it'd be fun! :)
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