An unfortunate truth about dating:
BOYS LIE.
He made me believe he cared for me.
To be fair, I lied too...
I told him he was a good kisser.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
With a little help from my friends...
As this year is my 10 year high school reunion, I've been reflecting a bit on my past and those who have influenced it. I've always considered myself so lucky and blessed to have had such good friends growing up. At the start of 3rd grade, my family moved to a new house, which meant I would be attending a new school. I was scared and nervous. I hadn't had many friends at my old school and often spent time playing by myself at recess. Would it be the same at this new school?
Thankfully, within the first few weeks of school, I made friends with several girls in my class. From the beginning, there was a strong bond between us. One girl, Nicole, has remained my friend to this day, almost 20 years later. Although we now live hundreds of miles apart and in different countries, we remain in contact. She still sends me birthday and Christmas cards every year and knows me better than most of the people in my own family.
Continuing through grade school, Jr. high, and high school, I made other friends who would help shape my life. I love these girls for their influence and the lessons they've taught me. They brought me out of my shell and let me know it was okay to be silly. They taught me not to believe everything I hear, even if the lies weren't purposely malicious. They were always there for me- shoulders to cry on, listening ears, and good mood boosters. We did not always share the same ideas, views, or religions. But our bond was so strong that none of that mattered. We respected each other and overcame differences. My friends protected me- not pressuring me to drink, but instead, understanding my values and telling me, "Oh, you don't want that... there's alcohol in it."
Throughout those school years, there were silly sleepovers, made-up clubs and nicknames, note passing, and so many secret crushes. After high school, there were road trip adventures- first in the yellow VW Bug to Brittany's cabin in Victor, then the next year to Vegas, California, and Mexico in the van we named "The Funky Junky." My road trip sisters (Brittany, Erica, and Stephanie) will always remain close to my heart and I will treasure the memories we created on those trips.
After I got my associates degree, I discovered theater, which lead to many new friends. There's nothing quite like my theater friends. I guess there's just something about the stage (and the backstage) that forges a strange bond between people. These friends were also so influential in my growth as a person. They taught me how to have fun onstage and how to laugh at myself. They boosted my confidence in my talents and inspired me to do better.
There have been mission friends, church friends, work friends, and roommates, who have all left imprints on my soul. Individually, they have influenced me in ways no other person could have. Through despair and joy, they've been there to lift my spirit or share in my happiness. Even though there is now distance separating us, they remain a piece of me.
For the first time since before 3rd grade, I find myself in a place where I am not immediately surrounded by close friends. It's been a hard adjustment. I do many things by myself now and don't really have anyone I can talk to face to face about my problems or even just my day. Perhaps because of this, I share a unique bond with a friend named Daniel. We have never met in person, or have even heard each others' voices. We are essentially electronic pen-pals, texting or chatting online. Yet he too, has taught me things and has lifted me when I've had bad days. His words have been encouraging, helpful, and kind. I greatly value his friendship.
I am truly blessed to have met so many great and kind people in my life. I am so grateful and honored to have been entrusted with all these friendships. To all of these friends, I hope you know that "because of you, I have been changed for good" (Wicked, 2003).
Thankfully, within the first few weeks of school, I made friends with several girls in my class. From the beginning, there was a strong bond between us. One girl, Nicole, has remained my friend to this day, almost 20 years later. Although we now live hundreds of miles apart and in different countries, we remain in contact. She still sends me birthday and Christmas cards every year and knows me better than most of the people in my own family.
Continuing through grade school, Jr. high, and high school, I made other friends who would help shape my life. I love these girls for their influence and the lessons they've taught me. They brought me out of my shell and let me know it was okay to be silly. They taught me not to believe everything I hear, even if the lies weren't purposely malicious. They were always there for me- shoulders to cry on, listening ears, and good mood boosters. We did not always share the same ideas, views, or religions. But our bond was so strong that none of that mattered. We respected each other and overcame differences. My friends protected me- not pressuring me to drink, but instead, understanding my values and telling me, "Oh, you don't want that... there's alcohol in it."
Throughout those school years, there were silly sleepovers, made-up clubs and nicknames, note passing, and so many secret crushes. After high school, there were road trip adventures- first in the yellow VW Bug to Brittany's cabin in Victor, then the next year to Vegas, California, and Mexico in the van we named "The Funky Junky." My road trip sisters (Brittany, Erica, and Stephanie) will always remain close to my heart and I will treasure the memories we created on those trips.
After I got my associates degree, I discovered theater, which lead to many new friends. There's nothing quite like my theater friends. I guess there's just something about the stage (and the backstage) that forges a strange bond between people. These friends were also so influential in my growth as a person. They taught me how to have fun onstage and how to laugh at myself. They boosted my confidence in my talents and inspired me to do better.
There have been mission friends, church friends, work friends, and roommates, who have all left imprints on my soul. Individually, they have influenced me in ways no other person could have. Through despair and joy, they've been there to lift my spirit or share in my happiness. Even though there is now distance separating us, they remain a piece of me.
For the first time since before 3rd grade, I find myself in a place where I am not immediately surrounded by close friends. It's been a hard adjustment. I do many things by myself now and don't really have anyone I can talk to face to face about my problems or even just my day. Perhaps because of this, I share a unique bond with a friend named Daniel. We have never met in person, or have even heard each others' voices. We are essentially electronic pen-pals, texting or chatting online. Yet he too, has taught me things and has lifted me when I've had bad days. His words have been encouraging, helpful, and kind. I greatly value his friendship.
I am truly blessed to have met so many great and kind people in my life. I am so grateful and honored to have been entrusted with all these friendships. To all of these friends, I hope you know that "because of you, I have been changed for good" (Wicked, 2003).
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Faith in a new year...
It's less than two weeks into the new year, but I can already feel the winds changing. 2010 was not a great year for me, especially emotionally. It has left me tired and worn down. The last couple of weeks have also been emotionally draining, but have led me to new motivation, to a new hope. I had been struggling with some things and I couldn't seem to find my way out of the darkness. I knew what I should be doing... but I couldn't quite find the motivation to do those things.
Then something unexpected happened. A new friend of mine told me that he no longer believes in the LDS church- in fact, he no longer believes in God at all. He has decided that he is an atheist. As he told me that, sadness crept into my heart. Then, after some mental processing, something else- something I hadn't felt in quite a while- warmed me from the inside out. I know with all my heart that God exists- and the Spirit was reconfirming it to me right then, so strongly that it brought tears to my eyes. Throughout everything I've been through- the loneliness, the pain, the sadness- I have never been able to deny God. I have seen His influence in my life too many times to ever deny His existence. And it may seem silly, but all it took was to be reminded of that one simple, basic truth to jump-start my hope and faith.
At that moment, I wanted to do everything I possibly could to strengthen my faith and knowledge of the gospel. It was no longer, "I should go to church," or "I should read my scriptures," I really, really wanted to. Because I didn't want to lose the feeling that was burning inside me. Somehow, along the way, I had forgotten. I had never stopped believing... I always knew the church and its teachings were true... but I had forgotten how important it was to have them in my life on a daily basis. I know that it will still be hard to follow through, at least at first, but really, at this point, things can only get better. And maybe then, other things will start falling into place for me as well. We often look to the new year as a new beginning... and this year, I really need it to be.
Then something unexpected happened. A new friend of mine told me that he no longer believes in the LDS church- in fact, he no longer believes in God at all. He has decided that he is an atheist. As he told me that, sadness crept into my heart. Then, after some mental processing, something else- something I hadn't felt in quite a while- warmed me from the inside out. I know with all my heart that God exists- and the Spirit was reconfirming it to me right then, so strongly that it brought tears to my eyes. Throughout everything I've been through- the loneliness, the pain, the sadness- I have never been able to deny God. I have seen His influence in my life too many times to ever deny His existence. And it may seem silly, but all it took was to be reminded of that one simple, basic truth to jump-start my hope and faith.
At that moment, I wanted to do everything I possibly could to strengthen my faith and knowledge of the gospel. It was no longer, "I should go to church," or "I should read my scriptures," I really, really wanted to. Because I didn't want to lose the feeling that was burning inside me. Somehow, along the way, I had forgotten. I had never stopped believing... I always knew the church and its teachings were true... but I had forgotten how important it was to have them in my life on a daily basis. I know that it will still be hard to follow through, at least at first, but really, at this point, things can only get better. And maybe then, other things will start falling into place for me as well. We often look to the new year as a new beginning... and this year, I really need it to be.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Smarter than a 5th grader?
Kids are interesting creatures. And even though my students drive me absolutely crazy sometimes... I still love them.
I work at a private school. That means that the kids are very smart and have been learning at an advanced level, pretty much since pre-school. By kindergarten, they can read. In 1st grade grammar, they start diagramming sentences. (I didn't even know what that meant till I started teaching- and I was an English major!) By 5th grade, they memorize a new poem at least every other week and then present it in front of the class. In math, they know how to divide and multiply fractions and turn fractions into decimals or percentages. And their grammar lessons don't make any sense to me.
Have you ever watched the show "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" I used to watch that show thinking, I'm pretty sure they never taught me these things in school... I'm still fairly certain they didn't. My students make me feel that same way sometimes. They ask me questions that I can't answer. They know things that I don't. However, every now and again, they do a pretty good job of letting me know that they do not, in fact, know everything. For example, last week, after school one day, I spent 10 minutes trying to explain to a group of 5th graders that Idaho and Utah share a border. (Geography is not greatly emphasized at Challenger.) I finally had to take them back into a classroom to prove it to them on a map.
I am starting to feel like I might be a pretty good teacher. Last week, in art, I taught my classes about Vincent van Gogh. I taught 7th grade on Thursday, and my 6th grade classes on Friday. Some of my 6th graders had already heard parts of the lesson because their 7th grade siblings and friends had told them about it. One 7th grader went home and retold the whole lesson to his family. Another kid even posted highlights in his Facebook status!
That's why I do this job. Not to make kid's Facebook statuses, but to impact children's lives. To teach them something, and hopefully get them to remember it. So later on in life, as they watch shows like "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" they won't look back and think, I'm pretty sure they never taught me this.
I work at a private school. That means that the kids are very smart and have been learning at an advanced level, pretty much since pre-school. By kindergarten, they can read. In 1st grade grammar, they start diagramming sentences. (I didn't even know what that meant till I started teaching- and I was an English major!) By 5th grade, they memorize a new poem at least every other week and then present it in front of the class. In math, they know how to divide and multiply fractions and turn fractions into decimals or percentages. And their grammar lessons don't make any sense to me.
Have you ever watched the show "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" I used to watch that show thinking, I'm pretty sure they never taught me these things in school... I'm still fairly certain they didn't. My students make me feel that same way sometimes. They ask me questions that I can't answer. They know things that I don't. However, every now and again, they do a pretty good job of letting me know that they do not, in fact, know everything. For example, last week, after school one day, I spent 10 minutes trying to explain to a group of 5th graders that Idaho and Utah share a border. (Geography is not greatly emphasized at Challenger.) I finally had to take them back into a classroom to prove it to them on a map.
I am starting to feel like I might be a pretty good teacher. Last week, in art, I taught my classes about Vincent van Gogh. I taught 7th grade on Thursday, and my 6th grade classes on Friday. Some of my 6th graders had already heard parts of the lesson because their 7th grade siblings and friends had told them about it. One 7th grader went home and retold the whole lesson to his family. Another kid even posted highlights in his Facebook status!
That's why I do this job. Not to make kid's Facebook statuses, but to impact children's lives. To teach them something, and hopefully get them to remember it. So later on in life, as they watch shows like "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" they won't look back and think, I'm pretty sure they never taught me this.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Still looking for my happily ever after...
As I was driving to work this morning, Christmas music played cheerfully on the radio... One song triggered a tragic realization about my life: I am 27 years old and have never been kissed underneath the mistletoe. Nor have I ever had a New Year's kiss. To some, this may not seem like a big deal. (However, most of those people have probably already experienced these things and other romantic milestones. Therefore, their opinions don't count.)
Granted, I was somewhat of a late bloomer- I experienced my first kiss at 21- but still, I had never imagined it would reach this point. When I graduated high school, I figured my life would progress as follows:
- Graduate college at 21 or 22
- Meet and marry a wonderful guy by the time I was 23
- Have my 1st child at 25, my 2nd at 27, and my 3rd at 29
- Live happily ever after.
Needless to say, it hasn't exactly worked out that way. I got my Associate's Degree just after I turned 20, and after having no serious dating prospects, I left on a mission when I turned 23. I returned home 5 months later due to illness and decided to go back to college to get my Bachelor's Degree. I graduated last year, just after my 26th birthday. And I am still single.
I've unfortunately had many heartaches over the last few years that have left my heart scarred. It is to the point where I often feel like giving up this wicked dating game. But for some reason... I can't. I suppose I just want it too bad. The end result is too great to give up.
I know that life never goes as planned- but I've never felt so off track from where I'd like to be. There's only so much I can do while sitting around waiting for Mr. Right to show his face. I've completed my education, moved away from home, am working a good job... I'm ready for the next step- the next phase of my life. I want a forever of mistletoe kisses. And everything that comes along with them.
Granted, I was somewhat of a late bloomer- I experienced my first kiss at 21- but still, I had never imagined it would reach this point. When I graduated high school, I figured my life would progress as follows:
- Graduate college at 21 or 22
- Meet and marry a wonderful guy by the time I was 23
- Have my 1st child at 25, my 2nd at 27, and my 3rd at 29
- Live happily ever after.
Needless to say, it hasn't exactly worked out that way. I got my Associate's Degree just after I turned 20, and after having no serious dating prospects, I left on a mission when I turned 23. I returned home 5 months later due to illness and decided to go back to college to get my Bachelor's Degree. I graduated last year, just after my 26th birthday. And I am still single.
I've unfortunately had many heartaches over the last few years that have left my heart scarred. It is to the point where I often feel like giving up this wicked dating game. But for some reason... I can't. I suppose I just want it too bad. The end result is too great to give up.
I know that life never goes as planned- but I've never felt so off track from where I'd like to be. There's only so much I can do while sitting around waiting for Mr. Right to show his face. I've completed my education, moved away from home, am working a good job... I'm ready for the next step- the next phase of my life. I want a forever of mistletoe kisses. And everything that comes along with them.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Mi vida loca....
As expected, this month has had its ups and downs. It's kept me busy, thats for sure. I accepted the job at Bajio, but found that doing dishes for hours on end was not really my cup of tea. I got offered a job at Great Harvest earlier this week and decided that that was a better choice. So, I still have two jobs, just different hours and now I get free bread. Really yummy free bread. :)
The play is going well. We're still in practices right now and the show will open in April. For now, I'm just trying to remember my choreography and hoping to not look like a goober. I'll also be working as a server on the weekend shows, so that should bring in a little extra cash as well. I think it's going to be a really good show and I'm really excited for it to come together.
I got to play basketball again last week, which was fun. And I finally scored! Ben and I had spent like an hour and a half before the game shooting around and practicing, so that probably helped. I think I'll get to play again next week too. Looking forward to it!
Last weekend, I got to decorate my first wedding cake. My stake was putting on an event having to do with the parable of the ten virgins and at the end, it was supposed to be like a wedding reception. So my bishop's wife asked me to make a wedding cake for it. It was good practice, and although I wasn't totally happy with the final product, I received lots of compliments on it. The event was Saturday, and I woke up that morning with the flu, so I didn't even get to go! Sad. I'm feeling better now though, at least.
Cory, Cae Dee, and Abby are all packed up and set to fly Germany tomorrow. We're having our last little get together tonight at my parents house. I'm trying real hard not to think about the fact that I won't get to see them for 3 years. :( I'm really going to miss them.
My thyroid test came back and surprise, surprise, my levels were WAY off. The normal range is 0.5-4.70 and mine was at a 15.74. The higher the number, the slower the thyroid. :P Awesome. So they upped my pills and hopefully I'll start feeling better soon.
I just wanted to take this opportunity to say how grateful I am for my family and friends. They keep me sane. I'm so grateful for everything they do for me- they are my shoulders to cry on, my listening ears, and my therapists. I'm thankful for the love and kindness they show me on a daily basis and I only hope that I can return the favor.
As for upcoming events... this weekend I'm dying my hair, so we'll see how that turns out! Next week: workin' two jobs, play practice, basketball, and a baby shower. So until next time....
The play is going well. We're still in practices right now and the show will open in April. For now, I'm just trying to remember my choreography and hoping to not look like a goober. I'll also be working as a server on the weekend shows, so that should bring in a little extra cash as well. I think it's going to be a really good show and I'm really excited for it to come together.
I got to play basketball again last week, which was fun. And I finally scored! Ben and I had spent like an hour and a half before the game shooting around and practicing, so that probably helped. I think I'll get to play again next week too. Looking forward to it!
Last weekend, I got to decorate my first wedding cake. My stake was putting on an event having to do with the parable of the ten virgins and at the end, it was supposed to be like a wedding reception. So my bishop's wife asked me to make a wedding cake for it. It was good practice, and although I wasn't totally happy with the final product, I received lots of compliments on it. The event was Saturday, and I woke up that morning with the flu, so I didn't even get to go! Sad. I'm feeling better now though, at least.
Cory, Cae Dee, and Abby are all packed up and set to fly Germany tomorrow. We're having our last little get together tonight at my parents house. I'm trying real hard not to think about the fact that I won't get to see them for 3 years. :( I'm really going to miss them.
My thyroid test came back and surprise, surprise, my levels were WAY off. The normal range is 0.5-4.70 and mine was at a 15.74. The higher the number, the slower the thyroid. :P Awesome. So they upped my pills and hopefully I'll start feeling better soon.
I just wanted to take this opportunity to say how grateful I am for my family and friends. They keep me sane. I'm so grateful for everything they do for me- they are my shoulders to cry on, my listening ears, and my therapists. I'm thankful for the love and kindness they show me on a daily basis and I only hope that I can return the favor.
As for upcoming events... this weekend I'm dying my hair, so we'll see how that turns out! Next week: workin' two jobs, play practice, basketball, and a baby shower. So until next time....
Monday, February 8, 2010
Locking my keys in my car and other happenings last week...
The first day of February didn't start off so hot... I stopped by the post office after work to drop off some packages and returned to my car to discover that I had locked my keys in... with the motor running. Whoops. Still not quite sure how that happened. Luckily, I can rely on my guy friends to rescue me in such dire circumstances and Blake showed up with a wire hanger, ready to break into my sad little Cavalier. I'm pretty sure he was a car thief in another life, as he had my car unlocked in no time. Note to self: I should probably get a spare key made in case this happens again.
Tuesday was better and full of good news. I had tried out for "Oliver" at Mystique Theater the week before and they had just posted the cast list. I hadn't done a show at Mystique since 2005, so I wasn't expecting much. As it turns out, I was cast as "Bet," who is a principle character (with very few lines but some solos and duets)! I was pretty excited. "Bet" is actually the character I had tried out for the first time I did "Oliver." Becca also made the show, so it will be fun to spend more time with her. Saturday was our first rehearsal and we did a read-through of the script. Lots of great actors have been cast and I think it's going to be a great show!
Wednesday I had the opportunity to go to the Idaho Falls temple with Amy. It's been a while, so it was a very cool experience. The Spirit was strong and I managed to hold my tears until the end (which is practically a miracle). ;) I had an overwhelming feeling that my Heavenly Father was very proud of me- such a great feeling. I look forward to going back.
Thursday was fun- I randomly decided that I wanted to play basketball (weird, huh?) and had the chance to play in my first church basketball game. I'm pretty sure that I'm not very good. :) But I sure had fun. I didn't make any of the shots I put up, but I did hit the rim every time... so maybe with a little practice, I could be better. I did get hit in the shoulder with the ball when I wasn't paying attention and got called for traveling at one point... okay, so I'm not exactly used to this game yet. It was fun hearing my friends from the ward cheering me on, even if I "run funny" (thanks for that remark Ben... like I need something else to be self-conscious about!) I'm hoping my practices with the play don't interfere too much with the basketball schedule- it'd be fun to play again! :)
Friday we had an awesome opportunity to listen to an apostle. Elder Richard G. Scott came to speak to the single wards, at the institute. He spoke on how to make good choices- it was pretty powerful. And he's super funny. :) I'm really glad I got to go.
Saturday I had to go have blood drawn for another thyroid test. Hopefully it'll tell me why I've been so tired all the time. Cory also came home Saturday, which makes my whole family pretty happy. He only has a month though till he's shipped off to Germany. I hope I can spend some time with him while he's here.
And I just got a call- I'm officially the newest employee at Bajio. Which is good, since I REEEEEEAALLY need the money! :) I may end up smelling like rice and beans, but at least I'll be able to pay rent. (Living in my car was looking like a not-so-fun option...) Things are looking up!
Tuesday was better and full of good news. I had tried out for "Oliver" at Mystique Theater the week before and they had just posted the cast list. I hadn't done a show at Mystique since 2005, so I wasn't expecting much. As it turns out, I was cast as "Bet," who is a principle character (with very few lines but some solos and duets)! I was pretty excited. "Bet" is actually the character I had tried out for the first time I did "Oliver." Becca also made the show, so it will be fun to spend more time with her. Saturday was our first rehearsal and we did a read-through of the script. Lots of great actors have been cast and I think it's going to be a great show!
Wednesday I had the opportunity to go to the Idaho Falls temple with Amy. It's been a while, so it was a very cool experience. The Spirit was strong and I managed to hold my tears until the end (which is practically a miracle). ;) I had an overwhelming feeling that my Heavenly Father was very proud of me- such a great feeling. I look forward to going back.
Thursday was fun- I randomly decided that I wanted to play basketball (weird, huh?) and had the chance to play in my first church basketball game. I'm pretty sure that I'm not very good. :) But I sure had fun. I didn't make any of the shots I put up, but I did hit the rim every time... so maybe with a little practice, I could be better. I did get hit in the shoulder with the ball when I wasn't paying attention and got called for traveling at one point... okay, so I'm not exactly used to this game yet. It was fun hearing my friends from the ward cheering me on, even if I "run funny" (thanks for that remark Ben... like I need something else to be self-conscious about!) I'm hoping my practices with the play don't interfere too much with the basketball schedule- it'd be fun to play again! :)
Friday we had an awesome opportunity to listen to an apostle. Elder Richard G. Scott came to speak to the single wards, at the institute. He spoke on how to make good choices- it was pretty powerful. And he's super funny. :) I'm really glad I got to go.
Saturday I had to go have blood drawn for another thyroid test. Hopefully it'll tell me why I've been so tired all the time. Cory also came home Saturday, which makes my whole family pretty happy. He only has a month though till he's shipped off to Germany. I hope I can spend some time with him while he's here.
And I just got a call- I'm officially the newest employee at Bajio. Which is good, since I REEEEEEAALLY need the money! :) I may end up smelling like rice and beans, but at least I'll be able to pay rent. (Living in my car was looking like a not-so-fun option...) Things are looking up!
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