"I don't own emotion...I rent..."

Sometimes I feel like I wear a mask.  It's painted with a smile and helps to promote happiness in those around me.  Though underneath, a particular sadness prevails.  I believe part of this sadness comes from not currently enjoying where I'm at in my life.  I don't love my job, I've struggled with building true, deep, trusting friendships since I've moved to Utah, and I wish nothing more than to be married (which at this point feels like a completely unattainable goal.)  I often find myself alone and lonely.  

Another part of this sadness is caused by a feeling of disconnect.  In church today, we talked a little about pre-ordination and how, whether we realize it or not, so many of us have been preordained for certain responsibilities in this life.  And because of things that are written in my patriarchal blessing, as well as the testimony I've built regarding the Church, I know that my role on this Earth has great potential.  The problem is that I feel so far away from where I need to be to reach that potential.  Just like everyone else, I have often made stupid decisions.  And these stupid decisions have led to a feeling of disappointment in myself.  I've tried to use the Atonement to heal these self-inflicted wounds... but I find that forgiving myself is much more difficult than attaining my Heavenly Father's forgiveness.  It's hard, you know?  Knowing where you need to be... but not quite having the courage or strength to get there on your own.

I've heard some people say that the solution is simply to choose to be happy.  Like it's that easy.  You just wake up in the morning, saying, "Today, I will be happy."  And that's it... POOF!...happiness achieved.  Um....no.  That's not how it works for me, anyway.  I feel like it's one thing to be an optimist (which I'm not, by the way) and an entirely different thing to actually be happy with your life.  I think really being happy requires many more choices.  I've tried the "fake it 'til you make it" approach, but ended up doing way more "faking" than "making"...

The choices we make often end up dictating the way we feel.  Making a good or "correct" choice often leads to a good or happy feeling.  Making a bad decision often leads to despair.  Sounds simple, right?  But some choices are a little more complicated.  For example, cutting someone you care for out of your life because they are a bad influence... it's a hard decision to make because initially you feel sad and maybe even a little hurt... but you have to hope that eventually it leads to feeling happier.

Right now, for me, happiness is located at the top of a giant mountain... I can see it... but I'm still not quite sure how to get there... There are several different paths I can take, but I can't see more than a few feet  down any of them, so it's unclear which one will lead me closest.  I know I must choose, and am grateful for the knowledge that if I pick the wrong one, I can always readjust my course in hopes of finding the right one.

Walking away...

I feel like I've been riding an emotional roller coaster the past few months... and frankly, I want off.  I made the mistake of  letting my guard down and have once again paid the price.  He seemed kind.  And funny.  And I really loved being around him.  But... in reality... he's kinda a loser.  I'm pretty sure he's lied to me on more than one occasion and he can't make a commitment to save his life.  All I'm left with are empty promises and regret.

The hardest thing is... I know I deserve better... and I've tried to walk away... but he just keeps dragging me back in.  I do have feelings for him, but at this point I'd give just about anything to make those feelings go away.  Last night was kind of the last straw.  And this morning, as I turned on my car stereo, a song started playing that really hit me hard.  It's called, "The War is Over" by Kelly Clarkson, and it talks about the battle of trying to get over someone because you deserve better.  I just keep listening to it over and over, hoping it will help give me the strength I need to walk away for real this time.  I want the war to be over... I just didn't expect to be the one to end it.

Learning to trust...

“The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they're not, we cry.” -David Duchovny

Trusting in someone is a difficult thing. Especially if you've trusted people before and they've betrayed that trust. It's unfortunate for the next person who comes along, because before they are even fully a part of your life, they have to face the challenge of earning your wavering trust.

It's really hard for me because I want so badly to see the good in people! It's just my nature. But that often leads me into some sort of heartache. So then I overcompensate by putting up walls, so that nobody can hurt me, possibly hurting them in the process. I have yet to find a really good balance... but it's not for the lack of trying. I feel like I'm constantly walking a tightrope... each step, trying to decide whether to move forward or stand still, hoping that I won't fall and get hurt.

The lies we tell....

An unfortunate truth about dating:

BOYS LIE.
He made me believe he cared for me.

To be fair, I lied too...
I told him he was a good kisser.

With a little help from my friends...

As this year is my 10 year high school reunion, I've been reflecting a bit on my past and those who have influenced it. I've always considered myself so lucky and blessed to have had such good friends growing up. At the start of 3rd grade, my family moved to a new house, which meant I would be attending a new school. I was scared and nervous. I hadn't had many friends at my old school and often spent time playing by myself at recess. Would it be the same at this new school?

Thankfully, within the first few weeks of school, I made friends with several girls in my class. From the beginning, there was a strong bond between us. One girl, Nicole, has remained my friend to this day, almost 20 years later. Although we now live hundreds of miles apart and in different countries, we remain in contact. She still sends me birthday and Christmas cards every year and knows me better than most of the people in my own family.

Continuing through grade school, Jr. high, and high school, I made other friends who would help shape my life. I love these girls for their influence and the lessons they've taught me. They brought me out of my shell and let me know it was okay to be silly. They taught me not to believe everything I hear, even if the lies weren't purposely malicious. They were always there for me- shoulders to cry on, listening ears, and good mood boosters. We did not always share the same ideas, views, or religions. But our bond was so strong that none of that mattered. We respected each other and overcame differences. My friends protected me- not pressuring me to drink, but instead, understanding my values and telling me, "Oh, you don't want that... there's alcohol in it."

Throughout those school years, there were silly sleepovers, made-up clubs and nicknames, note passing, and so many secret crushes. After high school, there were road trip adventures- first in the yellow VW Bug to Brittany's cabin in Victor, then the next year to Vegas, California, and Mexico in the van we named "The Funky Junky." My road trip sisters (Brittany, Erica, and Stephanie) will always remain close to my heart and I will treasure the memories we created on those trips.

After I got my associates degree, I discovered theater, which lead to many new friends. There's nothing quite like my theater friends. I guess there's just something about the stage (and the backstage) that forges a strange bond between people. These friends were also so influential in my growth as a person. They taught me how to have fun onstage and how to laugh at myself. They boosted my confidence in my talents and inspired me to do better.

There have been mission friends, church friends, work friends, and roommates, who have all left imprints on my soul. Individually, they have influenced me in ways no other person could have. Through despair and joy, they've been there to lift my spirit or share in my happiness. Even though there is now distance separating us, they remain a piece of me.

For the first time since before 3rd grade, I find myself in a place where I am not immediately surrounded by close friends. It's been a hard adjustment. I do many things by myself now and don't really have anyone I can talk to face to face about my problems or even just my day. Perhaps because of this, I share a unique bond with a friend named Daniel. We have never met in person, or have even heard each others' voices. We are essentially electronic pen-pals, texting or chatting online. Yet he too, has taught me things and has lifted me when I've had bad days. His words have been encouraging, helpful, and kind. I greatly value his friendship.

I am truly blessed to have met so many great and kind people in my life. I am so grateful and honored to have been entrusted with all these friendships. To all of these friends, I hope you know that "because of you, I have been changed for good" (Wicked, 2003).

Faith in a new year...

It's less than two weeks into the new year, but I can already feel the winds changing. 2010 was not a great year for me, especially emotionally. It has left me tired and worn down. The last couple of weeks have also been emotionally draining, but have led me to new motivation, to a new hope. I had been struggling with some things and I couldn't seem to find my way out of the darkness. I knew what I should be doing... but I couldn't quite find the motivation to do those things.

Then something unexpected happened. A new friend of mine told me that he no longer believes in the LDS church- in fact, he no longer believes in God at all. He has decided that he is an atheist. As he told me that, sadness crept into my heart. Then, after some mental processing, something else- something I hadn't felt in quite a while- warmed me from the inside out. I know with all my heart that God exists- and the Spirit was reconfirming it to me right then, so strongly that it brought tears to my eyes. Throughout everything I've been through- the loneliness, the pain, the sadness- I have never been able to deny God. I have seen His influence in my life too many times to ever deny His existence. And it may seem silly, but all it took was to be reminded of that one simple, basic truth to jump-start my hope and faith.

At that moment, I wanted to do everything I possibly could to strengthen my faith and knowledge of the gospel. It was no longer, "I should go to church," or "I should read my scriptures," I really, really wanted to. Because I didn't want to lose the feeling that was burning inside me. Somehow, along the way, I had forgotten. I had never stopped believing... I always knew the church and its teachings were true... but I had forgotten how important it was to have them in my life on a daily basis. I know that it will still be hard to follow through, at least at first, but really, at this point, things can only get better. And maybe then, other things will start falling into place for me as well. We often look to the new year as a new beginning... and this year, I really need it to be.

Smarter than a 5th grader?

Kids are interesting creatures. And even though my students drive me absolutely crazy sometimes... I still love them.

I work at a private school. That means that the kids are very smart and have been learning at an advanced level, pretty much since pre-school. By kindergarten, they can read. In 1st grade grammar, they start diagramming sentences. (I didn't even know what that meant till I started teaching- and I was an English major!) By 5th grade, they memorize a new poem at least every other week and then present it in front of the class. In math, they know how to divide and multiply fractions and turn fractions into decimals or percentages. And their grammar lessons don't make any sense to me.

Have you ever watched the show "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" I used to watch that show thinking, I'm pretty sure they never taught me these things in school... I'm still fairly certain they didn't. My students make me feel that same way sometimes. They ask me questions that I can't answer. They know things that I don't. However, every now and again, they do a pretty good job of letting me know that they do not, in fact, know everything. For example, last week, after school one day, I spent 10 minutes trying to explain to a group of 5th graders that Idaho and Utah share a border. (Geography is not greatly emphasized at Challenger.) I finally had to take them back into a classroom to prove it to them on a map.

I am starting to feel like I might be a pretty good teacher. Last week, in art, I taught my classes about Vincent van Gogh. I taught 7th grade on Thursday, and my 6th grade classes on Friday. Some of my 6th graders had already heard parts of the lesson because their 7th grade siblings and friends had told them about it. One 7th grader went home and retold the whole lesson to his family. Another kid even posted highlights in his Facebook status!

That's why I do this job. Not to make kid's Facebook statuses, but to impact children's lives. To teach them something, and hopefully get them to remember it. So later on in life, as they watch shows like "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" they won't look back and think, I'm pretty sure they never taught me this.

Still looking for my happily ever after...

As I was driving to work this morning, Christmas music played cheerfully on the radio... One song triggered a tragic realization about my life: I am 27 years old and have never been kissed underneath the mistletoe. Nor have I ever had a New Year's kiss. To some, this may not seem like a big deal. (However, most of those people have probably already experienced these things and other romantic milestones. Therefore, their opinions don't count.)

Granted, I was somewhat of a late bloomer- I experienced my first kiss at 21- but still, I had never imagined it would reach this point. When I graduated high school, I figured my life would progress as follows:
- Graduate college at 21 or 22
- Meet and marry a wonderful guy by the time I was 23
- Have my 1st child at 25, my 2nd at 27, and my 3rd at 29
- Live happily ever after.

Needless to say, it hasn't exactly worked out that way. I got my Associate's Degree just after I turned 20, and after having no serious dating prospects, I left on a mission when I turned 23. I returned home 5 months later due to illness and decided to go back to college to get my Bachelor's Degree. I graduated last year, just after my 26th birthday. And I am still single.

I've unfortunately had many heartaches over the last few years that have left my heart scarred. It is to the point where I often feel like giving up this wicked dating game. But for some reason... I can't. I suppose I just want it too bad. The end result is too great to give up.

I know that life never goes as planned- but I've never felt so off track from where I'd like to be. There's only so much I can do while sitting around waiting for Mr. Right to show his face. I've completed my education, moved away from home, am working a good job... I'm ready for the next step- the next phase of my life. I want a forever of mistletoe kisses. And everything that comes along with them.

Mi vida loca....

As expected, this month has had its ups and downs. It's kept me busy, thats for sure. I accepted the job at Bajio, but found that doing dishes for hours on end was not really my cup of tea. I got offered a job at Great Harvest earlier this week and decided that that was a better choice. So, I still have two jobs, just different hours and now I get free bread. Really yummy free bread. :)

The play is going well. We're still in practices right now and the show will open in April. For now, I'm just trying to remember my choreography and hoping to not look like a goober. I'll also be working as a server on the weekend shows, so that should bring in a little extra cash as well. I think it's going to be a really good show and I'm really excited for it to come together.

I got to play basketball again last week, which was fun. And I finally scored! Ben and I had spent like an hour and a half before the game shooting around and practicing, so that probably helped. I think I'll get to play again next week too. Looking forward to it!

Last weekend, I got to decorate my first wedding cake. My stake was putting on an event having to do with the parable of the ten virgins and at the end, it was supposed to be like a wedding reception. So my bishop's wife asked me to make a wedding cake for it. It was good practice, and although I wasn't totally happy with the final product, I received lots of compliments on it. The event was Saturday, and I woke up that morning with the flu, so I didn't even get to go! Sad. I'm feeling better now though, at least.

Cory, Cae Dee, and Abby are all packed up and set to fly Germany tomorrow. We're having our last little get together tonight at my parents house. I'm trying real hard not to think about the fact that I won't get to see them for 3 years. :( I'm really going to miss them.

My thyroid test came back and surprise, surprise, my levels were WAY off. The normal range is 0.5-4.70 and mine was at a 15.74. The higher the number, the slower the thyroid. :P Awesome. So they upped my pills and hopefully I'll start feeling better soon.

I just wanted to take this opportunity to say how grateful I am for my family and friends. They keep me sane. I'm so grateful for everything they do for me- they are my shoulders to cry on, my listening ears, and my therapists. I'm thankful for the love and kindness they show me on a daily basis and I only hope that I can return the favor.

As for upcoming events... this weekend I'm dying my hair, so we'll see how that turns out! Next week: workin' two jobs, play practice, basketball, and a baby shower. So until next time....

Locking my keys in my car and other happenings last week...

The first day of February didn't start off so hot... I stopped by the post office after work to drop off some packages and returned to my car to discover that I had locked my keys in... with the motor running. Whoops. Still not quite sure how that happened. Luckily, I can rely on my guy friends to rescue me in such dire circumstances and Blake showed up with a wire hanger, ready to break into my sad little Cavalier. I'm pretty sure he was a car thief in another life, as he had my car unlocked in no time. Note to self: I should probably get a spare key made in case this happens again.

Tuesday was better and full of good news. I had tried out for "Oliver" at Mystique Theater the week before and they had just posted the cast list. I hadn't done a show at Mystique since 2005, so I wasn't expecting much. As it turns out, I was cast as "Bet," who is a principle character (with very few lines but some solos and duets)! I was pretty excited. "Bet" is actually the character I had tried out for the first time I did "Oliver." Becca also made the show, so it will be fun to spend more time with her. Saturday was our first rehearsal and we did a read-through of the script. Lots of great actors have been cast and I think it's going to be a great show!

Wednesday I had the opportunity to go to the Idaho Falls temple with Amy. It's been a while, so it was a very cool experience. The Spirit was strong and I managed to hold my tears until the end (which is practically a miracle). ;) I had an overwhelming feeling that my Heavenly Father was very proud of me- such a great feeling. I look forward to going back.

Thursday was fun- I randomly decided that I wanted to play basketball (weird, huh?) and had the chance to play in my first church basketball game. I'm pretty sure that I'm not very good. :) But I sure had fun. I didn't make any of the shots I put up, but I did hit the rim every time... so maybe with a little practice, I could be better. I did get hit in the shoulder with the ball when I wasn't paying attention and got called for traveling at one point... okay, so I'm not exactly used to this game yet. It was fun hearing my friends from the ward cheering me on, even if I "run funny" (thanks for that remark Ben... like I need something else to be self-conscious about!) I'm hoping my practices with the play don't interfere too much with the basketball schedule- it'd be fun to play again! :)

Friday we had an awesome opportunity to listen to an apostle. Elder Richard G. Scott came to speak to the single wards, at the institute. He spoke on how to make good choices- it was pretty powerful. And he's super funny. :) I'm really glad I got to go.

Saturday I had to go have blood drawn for another thyroid test. Hopefully it'll tell me why I've been so tired all the time. Cory also came home Saturday, which makes my whole family pretty happy. He only has a month though till he's shipped off to Germany. I hope I can spend some time with him while he's here.

And I just got a call- I'm officially the newest employee at Bajio. Which is good, since I REEEEEEAALLY need the money! :) I may end up smelling like rice and beans, but at least I'll be able to pay rent. (Living in my car was looking like a not-so-fun option...) Things are looking up!

It's been a while...

Ok, so I realize I have been a huge slacker when it comes to this blog... I'm hoping that now since I have a little more time on my hands, it will be updated a little more regularly. Lets see, what has happen since my last entry in September?

September through December is kind of a blur... I'm pretty sure all I did was write papers for four months straight. This past semester was the hardest semester of school I've ever had and I was seriously worried that I wouldn't pass. I was writing probably 2-3 papers a week (which should explain my lack of interest in writing my blog). Miraculously, not only did I pass all my classes, but I ended up with A's and high B's! I'm very grateful to all of my teachers for being so gracious. And I'm also very glad to be done with college. It's been a long road.

I'm still working at the newspaper, but it's just part-time and funds are starting to run pretty low. So, once again, I'm on the job hunt. Hopefully something will turn up soon.

In December, Cory got to take a two week break from the Army and come home for Christmas. Our family was real happy to have him back. I think Becca and Tanner miss him more than he knows. I miss him too. It's weird not to be able to hang out with him whenever I want. He finally got his orders- after returning home at the end of this week, for a month, he'll be sent over to Germany. I'm not loving this idea. I really wish he could stay stateside. I am glad he'll be home for a month first, but it will be hard for him to leave again. Also, Cae Dee is pregnant and due the end of May, so I'll have my first nephew soon, but I won't get to see much of him, since they'll be halfway across the world. Who knows, maybe I'll get so sick of living here that I have a breakdown and move to Germany...

Oh yah, our moving plans... So the plan was that Amy, Malarie, and I would move to Boise as soon as I graduated in December. In November, we even drove up there to look for apartments. We had all prayed about it and felt like we were on the right track. Then randomly, three weeks before we were supposed to move, we all (seperately) got the impression that we weren't supposed to move after all. It was really hard to take, because it had felt so right for so many months. But for some reason or another, we are all supposed to be right here in Poky. I'm not sure about Mal, but I know Amy and I have found it frustrating on several occasions. It's hard not knowing our purpose, I guess. I suppose maybe this is another "Amber, you need to have patience" experience. I feel like my life is full of them. Apparently I haven't learned what I need to yet.

I'm trying to make this year a little healthier. I've joined a gym and have been really pushing myself to get into shape. I've lost like five pounds since Christmas, but I still have a ways to go. I also got a Wii and Wii Fit, so that's been a fun help. As roommates, we've also started trying to eat out less and eat healthier by cooking for each other. It's also helping us save a little cash. Saturdays are my night, and it's been fun to try out new recipes on my roommates. We figure it's also good practice for when we get married... Heck, by then, we'll all be REAL good cooks. ;)

I think that's about it for now... It's February, which oddly has never turned out to be a good month for me, so I'm hoping that maybe this year it will be different. Either way, I'll keep you posted. :)

Taking it day by day...

School has started again and fall is in the air... it's good to be back on a schedule, although it is a little intense at points. I'm so glad to have Fridays off of school this semester though! I'm also enjoying my Pilates class and am hoping it can help me get in better shape.

Since the last entry, my job has changed yet again. The Journal called me randomly about a month ago and offered me my job back and so I put in my 2 weeks with New York Burrito and have been doing graphic design again. I don't get paid very well, but at least I get to set my own schedule.

I'm glad I've been able to spend more time with my friends lately, my roommates especially. It's a good stress reliever. I'm also blessed to have a great bishopric and have been working hard to further my knowledge in the gospel and creating a better bond with my Heavenly Father.

Simple pleasures...

I've had the opportunity to go walking/jogging almost everyday this past week and a half. The weather has been nice and it feels good to be able to clear my mind through exercise and to just get out of the house. I'm hoping to continue as long as the weather and my schedule allow it.

Work has been... somewhat trying. It's a lot more physical than I remember and I'm exhausted by the time I get home. Right now I'm working about 4 shifts a week, but once school starts I'll only take 2 shifts a week to allow more time for homework. I just keep telling myself that I need the money and it's only until I graduate in December. After that, Amy and I are hoping to move out of town somewhere and get new jobs. I pray the time goes quickly.

Daily changes...

Tuesday I went to lunch with my family at New York Burrito, one of my favorite restaurants and also the first place I ever worked. While we were there, I spoke to Carla Rigby, who happens to be the mother of a girl I used to work with there, who now ironically owns the place. I asked her if they were hiring at all. She said she'd call Lindsey (her daughter) and check it out. Later that day Carla called me and asked when I could start work. So, next week I'll return to my first job to work part time. I'm not sure how much I'll be making, but even if it's minimum wage, it'll be over $2 more per hour than I was making there before. I plan on working a couple nights a week during school, just to keep a little extra money coming in. It's not the most exciting job in the world, but I don't think it'll be too stressful so that's nice. Today I also got another call... the manager of Vanity called to check if I had found employment yet. After three months of sending out applications and resumes, I get two job offers in one week! I turned down Vanity, but feel so blessed to have received both offers.

I'm starting to feel the pressure of school starting soon. I still have so many things I want to get done before it starts. I know that once it does, I won't have time for much else. I need to learn how to manage my time better, especially if I'm going to pass my classes this semester. More things to work on to better myself!!!

Tough times... make you stronger?

Its been a rough couple of months. I'm still currently unemployed, with no prospects despite an incredible amount of applications I've filled out. School starts in 6 weeks and with 15 upper-division classes, I don't think I'll have time to work a whole lot, if at all. So I'm currently living off savings, grants, and student loans and thankfully have not run out of money yet. I'm hoping to get a good job after I graduate in December and can work full-time to start paying off my debts and replenishing my savings. I admit, it has been nice not having to work and being able to do what I like, when I like. It does leave a lot of time for boredom to creep in though.

My brother also left, for the Army, and entered basic training in Oklahoma. He'll be there for like 10 weeks or so and then head to his medical training in Texas. Its weird having him gone. He's pretty homesick and missing his daughter. I hope the four years pass quickly.

I'm so very grateful for friends and family who are constantly there for me and help to lift me when I've fallen. They are my grief councilors and shoulders to cry on. Without them, I fear I'd be lost. The gospel has also been a great comfort during this time. I'm so grateful for my Savior and for everything he's done for me. He is the ultimate councilor. What a comfort to know that He knows what I'm feeling and wants me to be happy. Here's hoping that things start looking up!

Good days...

The last month or so has been very interesting and eventful. At the end of February, my position at the newspaper was eliminated, due to the bad economy. I was extremely upset, not only because I didn't know how I was going to provide for myself, but because I had finally found a job I liked. I was blessed to be given a severance pay and to have my tax returns come in, and also to have previously put money into savings. So the last month and a half, I've had the opportunity to focus on school and other things. There is a position I'm hoping to get at ISU, doing graphic design, so hopefully things work out there.

I've also been given several opportunities to be grateful for my friends over the past couple months. I'm grateful to have Amy as a roommate and friend. She's always there to listen and give good advice. She cares so much for other people... always such a great example. One specific situation where I realized my thankfulness for my friends happened a couple weeks ago. Malarie, Kayla, David, Dak, and I drove down to Spanish Fork, UT for the Festival of Colors. We had a great time and it's definitely something I'll remember for a long time. On the way home, we had a bit of car trouble with my car. I hit a curb pulling into a gas station and it ripped a hole in my transmission pan. So we were stranded. Malarie and Kayla kept me calm and tried to keep my spirits up. Dak and David set out to find a way to fix my car and/or get us home safely. We ended up leaving my car at the repair shop across the street and David's family was kind enough to lend us a car to get home. I'm so grateful that they were all with me.

Finally February?!

It's been a while since I've had the chance to update this... too much of my time has been devoted to my school work the past few weeks.  So, I figured while I had a small break in homework, I'd get an entry in.  First off, I'm so grateful that my teachers have been so understanding when it's come to my health problems.  They've been very accommodating and considerate, which has been a major blessing (it's good to know that I won't be flunking out of school because of my attendance record!)  This semester is going to be a tough one, mostly due to the amount of homework.  I really enjoy my Advanced Creative Writing class, as well as my Literary Magazine Production class.  I feel like I'm learning a lot and being very productive.

I'm once again thankful for Malarie and the friendship we've formed.  Our friendship continues to grow and it's good to have someone to talk to, as well as someone to force me to get out of the house and be social. ;)  The plan, as of right now, is that she'll be moving into our apartment in May, so that will be fun!

I'm grateful for the knowledge I have of the gospel.  I know that my Heavenly Father knows what's best for me, even if that requires quite a bit of patience on my end.  I know that prayers are answered, and that sometimes the answer is not necessarily "yes" or "no," but sometimes "wait" or "not yet."

Little Christmas Miracles

I'm so grateful that this past weekend I could travel to Salt Lake City with Cheryl and Malarie. We were able to get to and from safely, despite the snow. We also had the opportunity to spend almost 4 1/2 hours in the SLC temple. It was so beautiful and spiritual. I'm also glad that I've had the chance to get to know Malarie better. She is a friend in the gospel and a great example. We have a lot in common and I think our friendship will continue to grow.

I'm also thankful for the random Christmas angels who have helped to push my car out when it's been stuck in the snow the last couple of days.

End of Semester

Today was my last final of the semester. And I am so very grateful that it's all over. I worked really hard this semester and was constantly doing homework. So, it will be so nice to have a month off before it all starts back up again.

I'm also grateful for nice, warm boots as it's been snowy for the past few days.

The beginning...

I had the opportunity to sing a solo in my ward's Christmas program today. I sang "Joseph's Song," from The Forgotten Carols, and I feel it went fairly well. I'm so grateful to my Heavenly Father for my talents and the opportunity to share them with others.

I also ran into an old friend who I hadn't seen for a couple years. It was fun to recall memories of each other and catch up on our lives now. He has moved back to town, so I hope to see him again sometime.